Friday, January 30, 2009

Hilary Duff: How To Have A Half-Arsed Music Career


Hilary Duff's 'Best Of' compilation is out this week.

No, really.

No, REALLY.

Here is a selected plethora of facts about this album:

- It includes a groundbreakingly massive FIVE (yes, FIVE) Top 40 singles.

- The lyrically ridiculous 'Beat Of My Heart' and 'Why Not' are real, real low points.

- Her only two Top 10 singles, 'So Yesterday' and 'Wake Up', have not aged well. They sound very dated and are quite rightly tucked away at the rear end of the track-listing.

- The only highlights of the set are the tracks that were never released as singles (note especially 'Dignity'). What they're doing on a 'Best Of' collection therefore needs some explaination (maybe because without them there'd only be five tracks on it), but it just goes to prove that Duff's singles, however likeable she is, have never been anything above average. On the rare occasion that she has made an alright (dare we say it, GOOD) song, they've been damned to remain as unreleased album tracks forevermore.

- The overall message, or moral if you will, of this sorry collection of "hits" is that whatever Hilary Duff can do, someone else can do better.

But just because her music career hasn't been a TOTAL waste of time, here are two songs that were never released as singles that are in fact very very good.



Thursday, January 29, 2009

Ugly Betty begins its slow death

'Ugly Betty' has been sidelined in the States until the summer, with 'Samantha Who?' and a new Megan Mullaly comedy taking over instead.

Ratings of the show have tumbled constantly since its first season and it now looks like it will struggle to be picked up for a fourth year.

The second season of 'Betty' wasn't GREAT, and the Writers' Strike last year can't have helped. Since the Strike some of the country’s most popular shows have struggled to cling on to their audiences, and are now in real danger of being axed. One such show is ‘Heroes’, which last year lost millions of viewers, and has continued to do so ever since. ‘House’ and ‘Brothers and Sisters’, neither of which really took off in the UK (CRIMINAL), have suffered a very slight drop, but are still performing amiably and should hopefully be re-commissioned.

Medical drama ‘ER’ is definitely coming to an end after fifteen years on the air, and it’s been confirmed that ‘Prison Break’ has been axed after seeing its ratings plummet. Relatively new shows ‘Dirty Sexy Money’ and ‘Pushing Daisies’ have also been told that no more episodes will be ordered when their second season draws to a close. Bad times :(

The Saturdays skive Work

'Work' - the reported fourth single from The Saturdays which, in all honesty, is AMAZING - is now... wait... NOT the fourth single from The Saturdays.

It's now going to be this year's official Comic Relief single, and it's a cover of Depeche Mode's 'Just Can't Get Enough'.

It's out March 3.

It had better be good.

End post.

Kelly Clarkson's new video

'My Life Would Suck Without You' has just broken Britney's relatively new record of 'biggest jump to US No.1' when it vaulted from No97 to No1 yesterday, which is good news seeing as the song is BRILLIANT.

The video however... Is not. It's not a BAD video, it's just a let down because the song is stupidly good. It's a bit been-there-done-that really, and maybe it'll look better in higher quality when we don't have dodgy rips from American YouTube users as our only evidence.

Here it is. RCA will probably haul it down with all that copyright business by the end of the day.

GOOD NEWS DIANA FANS

Diana Vickers ("CALL MAYYY") has landed a record deal with RCA! This is good news as it means she can work on producing some amazing music that can be amazingly successful.

Her rumoured squeeze Eoghan Quigg has also been signed to RCA (this isn't such good news), and JLS meanwhile have been signed to Epic Records. All of this reportedly happened when Simon Cowell turned them all down to concentrate on Alexandra Burke.

Diana's music will hopefully be brilliant. JLS' music will hopefully prove that they are in fact "something special" (let's be honest... were they THAT standout on X Factor?), and Eoghan.... Eoghan is also apparently going to have a single out. Hmm.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

RAVE of a Jordin Sparks remix

'One Step At A Time' is out today, and the Jason Nevins remix is completely worth the 79p from iTunes.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

30-second Lily Allen clips to get excited about

Lily Allen's 'It's Not Me, It's You' has been available on pre-order for ages on iTunes now, which means that 30-second clips of each song are now available to be listened to. Isn't that clever.


The sound is much more electropop than the popped-up-ska that was forceful in 'Alright, Still'. 'Not Fair' and '22' sound surprisingly funky (if "funky" is at all a credible word to use). 'I Could Say' sounds like it might actually be one of the most amazing songs in the history of amazing songs, and 'F*** You' could be the new 'Alfie'. 'Who'd Have Known' is basically a deadpan and slightly less uplifting version of Take That's 'Shine', and 'He Wasn't There' has a backing track that sounds like a sequel to the debut album's 'Friend of Mine'.

All in all sounds quite good and is out (finally) on February 8th.

And now for a movie-related post

No, films aren't really the Trash Lounge specialty but the Oscar nominations have been announced today so a quick commentary can't really go amiss.

Plus with all the Brits nominations being splashed everywhere it's definitley Awards Season so with these ones being pretty important it must be worth a bit of a look, no?

Here is a short list of four things that could happen at the Oscars this year, based on the nominations:

  • Anne Hathaway could get an Oscar for 'Rachel Getting Married'. Wouldn't that be nice?
  • Or Kate Winslet could finally win one for her brillllllllllllliant turn in 'The Reader'. This would also be another opportunity for her to piss off Angelina Jolie in her acceptance speech after the spectacular faux-pas at the Golden Globes ("Oh God I'm so sorry... Meryl... Anne... OH GOD WHO'S THE OTHER ONE... Angelina!", cue a seething I'm-going-to-kill-you smile from Jolie).
  • 'Tropic Thunder' could end up being OSCAR WINNING.... because Robert Downey Jr is nominated for Best Supporting Actor for it. Obviously Heath Ledger will (deservedly) be the eventual winner but wouldn't it be weird if 'Tropic Thunder' picked up an actual Oscar?!
  • 'Wall-E' could, and hopefully will, win Best Animated Feature.

But, shockingly, horrifyingly, 'High School Musical 3' will not be winning anything. No, nothing. Not even for Original Song, because only one track from 'Wall-E' and two from 'Slumdog Millionnaire' have been nominated. IT'S NOT EVEN NOMINATED FOR ANY RAZZIES! Cheese acknowledgement: EPIC FAIL.

The awards are announced on February 22nd. Full nominations are here.

Disclaimer: It would be a pretty big balls-up on the movie industry's part if HSM3 were to be nominated for an Oscar.

Good lord, another teen drama...

In the unlikely event that 'Gossip Girl' is not your teen drama of choice, then you may want to investigate this slightly less controversial option when it premieres on E4 on Monday:



'90210' made a strong debut in the USA last autumn (sorry, "fall"). It's shed a few million viewers since then but is still one of the country's favourite shows and we'll have to see how it fares over here on Monday. Here's a quick synopsis of the first episode, courtesy of a crazy fan on Wikipedia:

"Harry, new principal of West Beverly Hills High School, returns from Kansas to his childhood home of Beverly Hills with his wife Debbie, their daughter Annie and adopted son Dixon, to care for Harry's mother, former television star Tabitha Wilson. On their first day at school, Annie and Dixon encounter Ethan, the star lacrosse player she met a few summers ago; Naomi, the spoiled rich girl whose sole focus is her Sweet Sixteen party; Silver, the free-spirited girl who later gossips about Annie on her blog; Adrianna, a closeted drug addict, and Navid, editor of Blaze News. When Naomi fails to complete an assignment, English teacher Ryan Matthews and guidance counselor Kelly Taylor, bring the problem to Harry, who quickly realizes that keeping secrets about his past is going to be impossible."

Seems pretty complicated but your fairly tick-the-boxes supply of characters etc. The Teen Drama Perfection Scale is measured by comparision with 'The O.C.', the show that was Teen Drama Perfection (for most of the time anyway). Only 'Gossip Girl' has matched it so far, so let's see how '90210' fares.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

XOXO

'Gossip Girl' has premiered its second season on ITV2 now and is stupidly good.


It is stupidly good due to the following:
  1. Jenny pisses all over her boss during her summer internship (in the "GO GURL" sense rather than the literal urinating sense)

  2. The show is still split into parts not just by a regular fade to black but by a witty remark by the narrating Gossip Girl herself and then a big "DOOM" and a sudden cut to black. Dramaaaaticcc.

  3. Everyone is still ridiculously good looking. Literally everyone. There's not a single odd-looking dude or lass in it.

  4. Blair is still really scheming but is hiding a vulnerable centre. Awww, kinda.

  5. There's a really good bit where the 'Nate having an affair with a married woman'/'Serena covering for Nate'/'Dan going to find Serena' strands collide.

There are a couple of bits that could have been better however:

  1. Why has Grandma Van Der Woodsen suddenly become a saint? She was a total bitch last year, what's with that?!

  2. It's all in the Hamptons, which isn't the same as the busy environment of Manhattan but that looks set to be rectified next week.

  3. Neither Serena's nor Blair's mothers made an appearance; nor for that matter did Vanessa.

It's still shamelessly trashy and shamelessly addictive, and the biggest negative point of all is that there's now a seven day wait until episode two. BAH.

Brit parade

The Brits nominations are out. As usual it's nothing to have a wet dream about, and the results can probably be predicted right here right now, but there's usually a surprise or two so we'll see how it goes.

Duffy and Coldplay lead the charge with four nominations each. Fair cop seeing as the former was pretty much THE breakthrough artist of 2008, and the latter sold about 20 trillion albums in the first ten minutes, or something. Adele, Scouting For Girls and Elbow have each pocketed three nominations each, whilst Ting Tings, Estelle and Girls Aloud each have two.

Here's the stuff you need to know:

  • Gabriella Cilmi will lose International Female to any one of the other four, but it's pretty good news that she was nominated.

  • Brian Higgins has not been nominated for British Producer Of The Year. Don't know where the hell that category came from, but it's pretty harsh that the dude who wrote pretty much every good pop song to be released in the last few years has been overlooked.

  • British Breakthrough Act will either be won by Adele (as a means of justifying the Critics' Choice award last year), or Duffy. Ting Tings wouldn't go amiss but they probably won't get it.

  • Elbow (cos of that whole Mercury Music Prize thing) or Coldplay will most likely bag the British Album trophy. Albums from Duffy and the Ting Tings just weren't consistently good enough.

  • Girls Aloud are not nominated for British Live Act, and apparently Scouting For Girls aren't that good live. Girls Aloud prove their vocal abilities on tour. Scouting For Girls just prove that their music all sounds the same. We should think, anyway.

  • Having just trashed Scouting For Girls, it must be acknowledged that their music, although it all sounds the same, is actually very good. Therefore 'Heartbeat' is among the better nominees for British Single. Dizzee Rascal, Duffy, Estelle, Adele and Girls Aloud are also among the best entrants. Coldplay can, with all due respect, fuck off out of this category seeing as they probably will win every other award anyway.

  • ... including British Group. Either them or Take That.

  • British Female probably won't go to Adele, and probably shouldn't go to Estelle. Duffy is a very possible winner and either Beth Rowley and M.I.A. could be the token "out there" winner of the night.

  • Fuck knows where British Male thinks it's going. James Morrison has put out the best single of all five, but honestly it could go to any of them. None of them have been particularly brilliant this past year, which leads to the realisation that 2008 wasn't really a great year for British male solo artists. Ah well, 2010 perhaps.

If you want to carouse the whole lot, they are here. The ceremony is on February 18th.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Britannia High axed

And so ends another good concept that turned out to be quite shit in practise.

Shame.

A nice little Girls Aloud retrospective

'The Loving Kind' gave Girls Aloud their twentieth Top 10 hit yesterday. The band have done absolutley fuck all promotion for it since before Christmas, so it really wasn't that shocking when midweek figures indicated it was a kitten's whisker away from being their first single to fall short of the Top 10. Hardcore Aloud fans took action in their masses, and were out in force downloading the single from every downloadable outlet, buying multiple copies of the CD and ordering copies off Amazon by the van-load.

Which is kinda weird really, because if the singles chart is meant to be a list of the most popular songs in the country, surely it defeats the object if one person buys twenty copies just for the sake of a statistic...?

Regardless, the first twenty singles have been, on the whole, pretty damn good. But they've done so many equally amazing tracks that never got a single release. Note especially 'Some Kind of Miracle', 'Wild Horses', 'Graffiti My Soul', 'Models', 'Girl Overboard'... Which is a shame when you consider that a few of their singles have actually been shit:

The worst ones:
- See The Day
- Life Got Cold
- See The Day
- Walk This Way
- See The Day

The rest have all been consistently really very really good. Kudos to the Girls, but especially kudos to Xenomania. God help the band if Xenomania decide to retire from songwriting. They have given the girls some of the decade's best pop music, and picking the highlights from the back catalogue is somewhat difficult, but we can pretty much say that if we HAVE to choose their best single to date, it probably still has to be this one...




IT'S A THREE MINUTE SONG AND THE CHORUS DOESN'T KICK IN FOR TWO MINUTES. Literal wow.

Good job, girls. Now we'll have twenty more please.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Notes on The Killers' next single

The reasons why 'Spaceman' is better than 'Human' are:
1. 'Spaceman' begins with a ridiculously good 'OH-OH-OH' introduction.
2. 'Spaceman' contains no grammatical errors.

The reasons why 'Human' is better than 'Superman' are:
1. 'Human' begins with a ridiculously good 'easing-us-in' introduction.
2. You'll probably forget everything about 'Spaceman' by approximatley eight minutes after you finish playing it.

The reasons why all of the above are irrelevant are:
1. Both 'Human' and 'Spaceman' are, like the vast majority of the Killers' back catalogue, not 'Mr Brightside'.

Pop-Punk O'Clock

Here is a plethora of interesting facts about The Cab.

- They are a bit like the American version of One Night Only - they are totally unoriginal but can still bring out a good tune or two.

- They released their very good album 'Whisper War' in the USA last year.

- As it is their only album release so far, we can deduce that they, as a whole, are therfore 'very good'.

- Assorted Fallout Boy and Panic At The Disco members are credited with producing/co-writing some of their tracks.

- They only sound like Fallout Boy and Panic At The Disco for a little bit of the album.

- The band have never been launched in the UK.

- This is a shame.

- They do clever, contemporary, post-modern (etc etc) things with their songs, like 'One Of THOSE Nights' which puts emphasis on the word 'THOSE' by putting it in capital letters. Mmmhmmm. Their track 'Zzzzz' is so-called because the chorus says 'Singing myself to sleep / But you're still my favourite melody', so instead of doing the Normal Thing and naming it after a memorable chorus line, they have decided to carry on this extended metaphor of sleep and pick five Zs as the title. INSPIRED.

- 'Zzzzz' is, while we're on it, amazing, and wipes the floor with a couple of bland been-there-done-that pop-punk moments that fill out the LP.

- The Cab have a pianist among them which adds that extra bit of depth to their songs.

- 'Whisper War' is not technically out in the UK but you can investigate them on our iTunes store. How good.

- The Cab have no recent activity and there is really no reason for them to be mentioned at this precise moment in time. They're just good.

- 'Zzzzz' appears below.



Unfortunate Scheduling Clashes Of Our Times


Some form of catchup service will be needed next Thursday, then.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

First impressions of this new Kelly Clarkson business

'My Life Would Suck Without You' is the new single from Kelly Clarkson and, you'll be pleased to hear, it's a hell of a lot better than anything on her tries-too-hard-to-be-epic 'My December' album.

This single returns her to her roots, and it sounds a lot like a cross between 'Since U Been Gone' and 'Behind These Hazel Eyes'. In fact the structure is exactly the same. Quiet verse, belty chorus, slightly-less-quiet second verse, belty second chorus, slow-it-down middle, big belty finale, gradual stop. The subject matter isn't really that dissimilar either, except 'My Life...' is alot less angry and alot more emotionally resonant. In fact, there's something about it that's a tiny, tiny little bit heartbreaking. Quite possibly one to relate to if you ever feel like you've broken up with a complete twat, but then realise that he/she is actually your perfect match. Awww.

In all honesty, it's 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 times better than anything on 'My December' and is actually quite brilliant.

It premiered on US radio this morning and can be found here. And yes, the robotic "Music. On Demand" lady is on top form.

Monday, January 12, 2009

'Disinclined'-gate: Part 4

Girls Aloud's brilliant 'The Loving Kind' leapt 10 to #29 this week, and is released properly as a single today. If it doesn't make the Top 10 it will be an insult to a great song written for the girls by Xenomania and the Pet Shop Boys, which deserves to be placed a lot higher than some of the distinctly average singles in the band's back catalogue, all of which struck the Top 10.

The B-side is also quite accuratley summed up by the word AWESOME. But it will probably never be heard by anyone ever in the world because it's only available on the 7'' Vinyl Picture Disc. And THAT is only available through ordering on their website. Had it been on the 'Out of Control' album it would have been one of the standout tracks, so an interesting (tranlsation: thick) decision by Polydor there.

Listen out for the post-chorus guitar moment about a minute and a half into the song. It is good.

AT LAST! A DATE!

Gossip Girl premieres on ITV2 on Wednesday 21st January at 9pm.

JUST OVER A WEEK TO GO!

Do you wanna see the first five minutes now?!

Oh alright...

Smiley @ Miley

Miley Cyrus' new video is quite good.

NO WAIT, COME BACK!

It's quite catchy to be honest, and has a really, really cool dance break at about 2'30. Watch:

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Everyone wants to bang Britney, apparently

'If U Seek Amy' has been announced as the third single to be taken from Britney Spears' comeback album (her second comeback album in the space of a year... does that even count?!) 'Circus'.

As expected, the more sensitive among the general public are livid, outraged, BOILLLLING FURIOUS at the decision, because the line "All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to, If U Seek Amy" is a clever way of saying "All of the boys and all of the girls are begging to F-U-C-K me."

A mother's rights group in Australia has kicked up a fuss because it's a bad influence on the kids. Someone said: "I got them the Circus album because little kids are Britney fans, but there was no warning on the album and none of the songs listed had f**k in the title."

Well, here are the facts:
  • If you haven't already twigged that Britney is no longer the World's Best Role Model then bluntly it's your own fault for buying your kids the CD.

  • Has any of her music over the past few years sounded like it could have come from Same-flippin'-Difference? Have there not been hints over the past few years ("IT'S BRITNEY BITCH!") that Britney's music is unsuitable?

  • Yeah... Jive probably should have put some sort of warning on the CD because essentially they can dance around the line all they want, the line is "...begging to F.U.C.K. me". It's a clever trick to do the whole Amy crap, but "...are begging to if you seek Amy" is as gramatically shit as "...or are we dancer?".

  • 'IF U SEEK AMY' IS A TUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNE

Right, so 'Kill The Lights' was one of the best produced records of last year and logically that should surely be the next single, but 'If U Seek Amy' is still a wicked track. Even though, like every other Britney song, Britney still sounds about 15. And thus not quite suited to a song about "all of the boys and all of the girls" wanting to ride her.


The Awesome Gary Barlow Show In Which You Can Be A New Awesome Gary Barlow...

... may well be the title of a new BBC1 show being launched in the autumn.

Here's the thang. Gary Barlow is, according to reports splashed all over the tabloids today, plotting his own reality series to rival The X Factor. It will be a "nationwide search" (they're all called that, aren't they) to find the UK's new big boyband. RAVE.

The BBC are wetting themselves with excitement apparently and say it could be something they could do every year if it's a hit. The idea is that it'll rival The X Factor.

ITV and the BBC are constantly trying to better the other's ideas, but it almost never, NEVER, works.

Evidence A: BBC attempt their own Pop Idol



Evidence B: ITV attempt their own musical theatre casting show



Evidence C: ITV attempt their own Strictly




... hmmmmm.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

One day to go!

The third season of 'Brothers and Sisters' hits More4 tomorrow and could quite possibly be the most exciting event to happen to anyone ever. So, just to get us excited even more, here are a few hints at what to expect from the first few episodes...

Clearly this little time-bomb is going to be a pretty important storyline:


OMGZZZ BUT AREN'T THEY LIKE BROTHER AND SISTER?! IS THE SHOW TITLE IN FACT SUGGESTING INCEST...?! Shh, no... remember, at the end of last season Rebecca found out that she is, in fact, not a Walker after all. That whole huge storyline about her being a secret Walker child? Yeah, not in fact the case. But, conveniently, as it happens there is a real secret Walker child waiting to be discovered, and we'll be meeting him this season. But one character who'll be digging around looking for him is actually quite a surprise - Holly. Hmm.

Also, Kitty and Robert set their planned adoption into motion, but a typical Walker feud interrupts a dinner thrown for the adoption agent. Ahh, how 'Brothers and Sisters'.

TOMORROW. MORE4. :D :D :D

Eminem's new single surfaces

After several unfinished versions leaked online last year, Eminem's new single 'Crack A Bottle' has surfaced online.

So, has he done the traditional post-career-break thing of growing up/maturing his sound?

"Let your body waddle, don't act just like a sloppy model."

Ah. That's a no, then.

Listen to it by clicking here.

'Disinclined'-gate: Part 3

YES, IT'S OFFICIAL. As the 'Disinclined'-gate furore continues, midweek sales released today indicate that "The Loving Kind" is now safely snuggled inside the Top 30, and hopefully it will hold steady (or even better rise further) in time for Sunday's chart.

In celebration, here's another genius lyric from it: "The issue's never mentioned, with all the best intentions."
IN.
CRE.
DI.
BLE.
*standing ovation*

To celebrate, enjoy a picture of Cheryl Cole on the cover of Vogue. Because she is, after all, lest we forget, more famous and generally more interesting than the others combined*.


Oh, and also, The Saturdays' 'Issues' is looking like it will plough into the Top 10 despite being a bit like an old Atomic Kitten B-side. Regardless, their fourth single 'Work' is a highlight from the 'Chasing Lights' album so let's just all focus on that and pretend 'Issues' never happened.


*Kimberley will be recognised one day. Oooone day...

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

'Disinclined'-gate: Part 2

Breaking news on the Girls Aloud 'Disinclined'-gate debacle we started earlier... 'The Loving Kind' is stationed at No22 on the iTunes chart at the moment, two positions ahead of 'The Promise' and four places ahead of Britney Spears' 'Circus'. According to today's midweek sales figures 'Circus' is outselling 'TLK', but does this iTunes positioning mean that 'TLK' is on the rise? WE'RE ON IT.

And while we're on the subject, here's another genius lyric that was forgotten in the earlier post: "Both wide awake and dreaming... Of yesterday." EMOTIVE. SPINE-CHILLING. GROUND-BREAKING. HEARTFELT. Etc etc...

Now everyone please appreciate the embodiment of loveliness that is Kimberley Walsh with our handy picture. Ahhh.

The new Cage single

Cage The Elephant are releasing 'Back Against The Wall' as their next single. 'In One Ear' and 'Ain't No Rest For The Wicked' got them noticed by the mainstream market but they can't afford to drop it when both tracks, despite being really really good songs, didn't essentially do enough to set them apart from the vast expanse of indie landfill.

Listen, if you will, and make up your own minds as to whether 'Back Against The Wall' is up to the job...



Let the inspired image of an elephant in a cage not go unacknowledged. Because, you see, the band is called Cage The Elephant and thus it seems a natural choice of picture for the YouTube rip to be an elephant in a cage done craftily on Paint.

When 'ridiculous' meets 'good'

Watch Lady GaGa's video for 'Poker Face' with the sound off and it's the most ridiculous music video in the entire history of ever.

'Disinclined'-gate

FANS OF POPULAR SONG. 'The Loving Kind', the very very brilliantly amazingly pretty new single from Girls Aloud, created ingeniously by the Pet Shop Boys and our faves Xenomania is in danger of criminally missing the Top 10 a week on Sunday - a day we will henceforth refer to as LKDAY (NB: not to be confused with LK Today, o'course).

This week is its final week before it becomes a fully released single, and as an album download it's perched despicably at No39 in the singles chart, and this week's first batch of midweek figures show that it will still be outside the Top 30 for another week. It could, very possibly, be their first ever single to miss the Top 10.
1. *gasp*
2. *faint*
3. *die*

On the plus side, all could not be lost... Girls Aloud's fanbase is still, on the whole, quite a hardcore one, i.e. they're people who will wait for the proper release before purchasing, alot like those McFly fans who loyally buy their singles and charge them to No1 regardless of how shit they are. THEREFORE the single could pick up a surge of sales next week when it's released 'Properly'. If 'See The Day' could edge into the Top 10 then there's no reason why 'The Loving Kind' shouldn't... it rhymes 'kind' with 'disinclined' for God's sake! DISINCLINED!



Reasons why The Loving Kind is awesome:
- Nicola's lines are immense, thus effectively taking a musical shit all over the others. (i.e. Nadine).
- It's got lines like "Somewhere on a Monday morning, in a rush hour of another day, standing on a crowded platform, carelessly we lost our way", thus being a clever reflection of relationships in Our Modern Society. CLASSIC.
- Sarah Harding sings like she means it, i.e. she doesn't yell into the microphone "HERE I AAAAM!!!!! :O !!!!!!!! :P !!!!!" like she did with The Promise. She really makes the lines Her Own, thus effectively taking a musical shit over the others. (i.e. Nadine).
- The Saturdays' new song is a forgettable piece of formulaic balladry, and this song must, must, beat it.
- Kimberley looks stunning in the video, like actually AMAZING, thus effectively taking a musical shit over the others. (i.e. Nadine).
- It's like a ballad... and it's sad... but you can dance to it... REVOLUTIONARY.
- As previously mentioned (its genious is so uncomprehendable that it bears repeating), the song rhymes 'kind' with 'disinclined'. How. Clever.
- Cheryl has a red hairband in the video, thus effectively taking a musical shit over the others. (i.e. Nadine).*
- Speaking of the video, it has about 17 billion wind machines in it. Classic GA.
- Nadine, naturally, as ever, runs away with the song and pulls out an amazing heartfelt vocal, thus effectively taking a musical shit over the others. (i.e. Nadine).

Developments in 'Disinclined'-gate will be reported here. First.



* N.B. Cheryl's hairband in the video is actually hilarious and shit, and was used as a positive for the sole purpose of carrying on the running joke of Girls Aloud members, including Nadine, shitting on Nadine. In actual fact, much as we love her, there isn't much positive to say about Cheryl in this song. She's good but... yknow... so's a tepid bath.

Monday, January 5, 2009

First peek at new 'Skins'

WOAHHHH! 'Skins' is back later this month and E4 have unleashed this spectacularly hardcore promo. It's not really one for the kids. Not really. At all. Really, really not.



That's the toned down version. The actual version comes complete with sex and everything.

Tony's sister Effy heads up the new bunch, which also includes her Series 2 bestie Pandora, cocky leader Cook, his best mate Freddie, brainbox magician JJ, feisty Naomi, and twins Katie and Emily. It begins on E4 on 22 January.

Georgina rumoured to return to 'Gossip Girl'

Good news! Michelle Trachtenberg is rumoured by US publication Entertainment Weekly to be reprising her role as Georgina at the end of the second season of the brilliantly trashy 'Gossip Girl'. Apparently several "inside sources" claim she'll be back for a multi-episode arc after appearing in last year's first season. As for the show's season 2 UK premiere, ITV2 originally pencilled in this week...... but we now have to settle of "Late January TBC". BAH!

Pop making a comeback?! Ummm maybe not...

Hoooold on a sec, two minutes ago the industry was buzzing about the return of pop, but as the first chart of 2009 is published, the nation's three resident girlbands are all facing imminent flops with their new singles. Oops.

Firstly, newcomers The Saturdays release third single "Issues" today - it's currently sitting at No27 as an album download, with their previous hit "Up" two places behind it, on a rebound back up the charts to No29. "Issues", a pleasant enough radio-friendly ballad, lacks the punch and immediacy of "Up" and with the latter still doing the business three months after its release, "Issues" looks unlikely to recieve enough of a surge in the next seven days to help it top its predecessor's No5 peak. Whether or not it'll even crack the Top 10 on Sunday remains to be seen.

The Sugababes on the other hand don't have to worry about an old hit overshadowing a new one. Their last single "Girls" is now safely on its way out of the Top 75, but that hasn't stopped new single "No Can Do" stalling at a disappointing No23. The track is fully available as a download and also got its CD single release last week, so with its promotion cycle now just about over, it seems unlikely that "No Can Do" has the potential to climb any higher. It could well end up being their lowest charting single since "Follow Me Home" froze outside the Top 30 back in 2006.

Finally, and most surprisingly, Girls Aloud's 20th single "The Loving Kind" is in serious danger of being their first ever single to miss the Top 10. The fact is that their October No1 "The Promise" is still yo-yoing up and down the Top 20, and its ongoing success is in danger of completely overshadowing the potential of "The Loving Kind". The same thing happened to the likes of Sam Sparro and Gabriella Cilmi last year - they released singles that were so ongoingly successful that follow-ups drifted by unnoticed. In truth, "The Loving Kind" is one of the girls' strongest singles to date, and it will be a real shame if it stops the group achieving their milestone 20th Top 10 hit. It's released properly on January 12th, so has a couple of weeks to gain momentum and improve on its current placing at No39 as an album download.